“People raised in an environment of love see things differently than those raised in an environment of survival.”
~ Joy Marino
This is the sixth of ten blog articles addressing The Ten Questions (see www.fullnessofyou.com) in the framework of working toward greater psychological wholeness. Question number six asks:
In what ways do past experiences shape your current perceptions and behaviors, and how do you reconcile these influences?
You may relate to the phenomenon of having grown up in a family with one or more siblings, yet in comparing your experiences from childhood have starkly different memories. This is due in part to differences in individual temperament (some kids are higher in emotional sensitivity) and also any parental bias favoring one or more children in the family.
Our backgrounds, including cultural and familial experiences, shape our identity in profound ways and influence the values, beliefs, and social norms we carry as adults. This can affect how we perceive others and ourselves, as well as our behavior in various contexts.
Previous experiences, especially those tied to strong emotions, can create conditioned responses. For example, a person who has faced rejection may develop anxiety in social situations, affecting their behavior and interactions.
Psychological wholeness results through the process of individuating. Through individuation, over time we are able to integrate unconscious material which historically was emotionally triggering. This integration happens when, as stated in previous blog posts, we have cultivated a healthy and resilient ego. This enables us to remain emotionally regulated in the face of charged emotional states when they erupt from the unconscious.
Our past experiences contribute to our sense of self and identity. How we view ourselves can dictate how we interact with the world, impacting confidence, efficacy, and assertiveness.
Identity is fluid, not stagnant, unless we choose to stay tethered to our past in which case we are not evolving developmentally. In the words of the late Joseph Campbell – “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are”. Until we question our identity that was largely conditioned by family values, biases, and beliefs when we were children, our essential nature stays dormant in the unconscious mind.
In summary, perhaps we can lean into our true identity unencumbered by the conditioning of the past by channeling the wisdom of the great Dr Seuss: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”