“Holding the tension of the opposites grows consciousness, wholeness, and soul.” ~ CG Jung
Continuing with ‘The Ten Questions’ to explore psychological wholeness, Question #3 offers a parallel discussion to my last writing on integration and a cohesive identity (see Blog Number Two).
3. How do you handle conflicting feelings or thoughts within yourself, and what strategies do you use to find balance?
When we experience conflicting feelings or thoughts within ourselves, it is often because one of our complexes has been activated. Operating at an unconscious level, our complexes distort our sense of self and leave us feeling emotionally charged and fragmented.
It is part of being human to have psychological complexes. In psychoanalytic theory, ‘complexes’ are described as clusters of emotions, thoughts, and memories organized around a specific theme or experience, often affecting a person’s behavior and perceptions. Our complexes are feeling-toned, sometimes highly charged sets of ideas and images with an archetypal core.
An archetype is a universal symbol, theme, or character that recurs across literature, art, and mythology. Archetypes embody fundamental human experiences and emotions, making them relatable to people across different cultures and eras. Examples include The Hero, Martyr, Rescuer, Perfectionist, Mother, Father, Power, Insecurity, Victim, etc. The types of archetypes are infinite.
When we feel the discomfort of a complex, it is tempting and natural to want to project these highly charged thoughts and emotions onto someone or something else, making something outside of ourselves responsible for why we feel so mentally and emotionally vulnerable or volatile.
In order to restore internal harmony and balance when feeling conflicted, it is helpful to cultivate objectivity and detachment around our complex(es). Without a healthy ego, also known as ego strength, our complexes, when triggered, will control us, rather than us recognizing they exist within us.
Your level of ego strength refers to your ability to be adaptive, flexible, and resilient in how you respond to challenging circumstances in your personal life and relationships.
Thus, ego strength is a measure of your:
- Personal power – Your ability to make optimal choices at any given moment in time.
- Capacity to regulate difficult emotions – The ability to remain in optimal emotional states by acknowledging and feeling the full range of emotions (e.g., anxiety, sadness, fear, anger) without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.
- Mental discipline – The ability to recognize when you’re obsessing or ruminating and choose to stop and shift your focus and energy.
- Positive envisioning – The ability to hold the unknown, including the future, in a fluid and positive framework, trusting the organic unfolding of things.
- Ability to accept what is – The ability to tolerate discomfort, stress, and frustration in both the past and present without getting triggered.
Complexes stir up discomfort for a reason—we are called to address them or else we continue to suffer. Our complexes give us direction—they point to the things we are afraid to face or have been unwilling to acknowledge about ourselves. They indicate what we must face in order to mature psychologically.